An open letter to a creep

Dear Sir:

Perhaps you meant to be clever and insouciant, to show me your lighthearted fun side, by pulling up next to me in your truck and beginning our acquaintance with a proposal of marriage. And while I do not have much experience in the proposing-to of ladies myself, I would have thought that a response of "No, thank you" and a return to cleaning up after the dog would have been an adequate damper on any passion.

But perhaps you have a fetish for redheaded ladies carrying bags of canine excrement, because you continued your pursuit by driving after me, and suggesting that, in lieu of marriage, I might like to engage in a variety of carnal pursuits with you. As I was not interested in any of those activities, I declined to reply.

Confident of your own charisma and charm, you continued to pursue my small dog and myself in your vehicle, shouting speculation about my sexual preferences, enthusiasms, and proclivities. I am not quite sure why you were so hostile to my suggestion that I might call the authorities and describe to them your so-charming behavior, but I remain grateful that the presence of a phone in my pocket ended our far too lengthy conversation.

I devoutly hope never to see you again,